Listen to this blog’s OST: Stand By You by Marlisa

“When you fight for every breath
And the waves are overhead
Let me lay your mind to rest”

Why This?

I won’t be citing definitions of “depression” in this blog ‘coz I know y’all are aware of what it is. It’s being posted everywhere. Its symptoms; calls for help; campaigns to remove the stigma; the growing number of people suffering from it; and the increasing number of deaths by suicide.

Well, I can’t honestly say that I didn’t think about committing suicide. I did, but I just can’t do it ‘coz I’m afraid it’d be painful and that I’d look ugly in my coffin (I don’t wanna look miserable in my deathbed). And since I can’t go through with it, here I am struggling to cope with this shit.

A friend of mine who was also diagnosed with depression told me that writing helps her a lot. Just freely writing her feelings on a piece of paper lets her diffuse her rage and sadness.

As for me, rage = pencils broken into small pieces; sadness = 24 hours of Korean series.

Why pencils? Because as you break them, they become smaller; and as they become smaller they become harder to break, which will require you to increase your force and focus more into breaking them. And the pain in my hands after doing it diverts my attention from my rage.

Why Korean series? Because they stir my feelings. It’s like an anti-anesthetic that flushes out all my numbness. Korean series make me giggle and they have happy endings where the once deprived, simple girl ends up with the perfect guy. Korean series = fairy tales for grown ups.

But why am I here, writing this blog now?
Aside from the facts that I ran out of Korean series in my laptop, and that I realized that more trees are getting cut because of all the pencils I wasted (yes, I am now an environmentalist), I wanted to try and earn money from this. Yep, I am not being noble and all trying to help other people with their depression. I just want to make myself feel better by shedding off my feelings to the public, getting the attention I need (not 100%, ‘coz I prefer to be anonymous), be recognized for my writing skills, and get some cash out of it.

I know that’s what you think of me. Or am I just being paranoid? Hmm… C’mon, be honest! You wouldn’t believe me if I told you otherwise, right?

Anyway, I have always envied the NBA players. They get paid by playing. I know it’s not easy ‘coz it involves a lot of training. But still, they get to play and get the pay. (Don’t judge! I just want it to rhyme!)

But, if I get to help some of you who are depressed, and lost, and just couldn’t kill yourselves ‘coz you’re too scared, well then, YOU’RE WELCOME!

Wait, let me rephrase that. You are not a scaredy cat if you can’t kill yourself. Fact is, you haven’t run out of courage to live. It may always feel like you’re done with your shitty life. But hey, you’re still here, reading “The Press for the Depressed”, so go ahead and admit to yourself that you still CAN do it! Go on… There’s no shame in it.

And if life, once again, turns out to be very disappointing, ‘coz it is, always was and always will be (if you don’t believe so, then congratulations, you are not depressed!), go ahead and curl up in a ball under those sheets and download some Korean series.

If I get to help some of you who are depressed, and lost, and just couldn’t kill yourselves ‘coz you haven’t run out of courage to live, well then, YOU’RE WELCOME!

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